Some of us who’ve had a series of healing to do may find it difficult to forgive ourselves for what we consider and brand as failures of 2023. Convincing ourselves that what we brand failures are pick up points and roads to redirection is such work with intense assurance and convictions.
We need to just flex, ease up and extend an ounce of grace to self. Smile to yourself and give a nod to yourself. It’s been tough but we made it through, why be too hard on yourself?
Recounting the mistakes of the past year
When you’re all vexed and putting up guards and all that, it’s really hard to be in a place of reflections, meditations and listening to God as He gives instructions.
Last year by the month of March I had withdrawn from a business that I was partnering in with someone. We registered the company and all the paperwork was done within the previous year. It was in the early stages of being flagged off at this time.
Being a single parent with only one source of income, every cent invested in a project counts. The running around to put up structures, the meetings, the time wasted, the emotional investment was just a lot. Then it comes to a halt! It was too much for me to stay through.
I was mad at myself for many months. Whenever I think about it even today, I form a fist and clench my teeth together then I remind myself that I didn’t die.
Learn from your mistakes
I am here to make better decisions and get to learn from what I didn’t do right. I remind myself that I am open to learning again and launching much deeper than I did last year hence no need to carry the burden of incriminating myself.
It’s like having a tool of trade and when the trade doesn’t go well, you don’t learn from the dimensions of the trade but treacherously deal with the tool of trade till you lose focus. Focus on the nitty-gritty of trade and also how to sharpen the tool to fit the nature of the trade of your interest.
We are the tools we can only but equip ourselves to do better next time. And the next time is now in this year 2024 … 2023 is past. Focus is yonder not on the rear.
Hence I have been laying down what I considered mistakes of the trade and picking up the lessons for the next project.
Wrong choices in ralationships
I also made wrong choices in regards to relations that I allowed myself to engage in. Oooh, I didn’t do well. Some I trusted too fast, some I showed up minimally, Some I was so absent and some I invested in without engaging my brain and I burnt my fingers.
Relationships are the backbone of our lives in major ways. Relationship with self is key. Social capital is important. Business relations are key. Work relations are key. Close family relationships are important. Love relationships are beautiful.
Relationships are lubricators of many aspects of our lives.
Whenever any of them is bruised, it affects other aspects of life. Hence diagnosing the malady and treating it is important. If it’s too bad to be sustained, heading to the theater and scraping it off is necessary so that the other aspects are not also bruised.
If it can be treated and get it healed then, voila! We carry on.
You know when you water flowers and they bloom, you radiate with joy and fulfillment. But when the flowers are not responsive, they receive water, fertilizers, pesticides and all that but they remain dull and wilted, it’s now a place of maybe.
Maybe the plants are not the correct ones for your kind of weather, the soil is not good for that particular plant. Or you can plant and water a different flower all together.
Same applies to relationships, there are ones we ought to pursue… we have to pursue, we have to cultivate. We take the soil through tests and invite agronomists to advise further if at all we need to keep cultivating if we’re too blind to see.
Some relationships, we let go peacefully, it’s OK if it can’t work. Some we need training and skills to sustain and gain from. Some need tender touch because they’re fragile. Some we don’t even have to give notice, we just exit.
So, why are you still hard on yourself?
Have you identified your mistakes and called them by name? Like, Emily you made a mistake by rushing into the business with boundaries not put in place, now what do we do? Think broadly when it comes to business, it doesn’t only end at ROI, business is also a relationship.
You also didn’t respect your money to invest with the right people, because you work hard, honor yourself and respect your money and send it to the right places.
Peace!
Forgiving self opens doors to more clarity and invites wisdom, understanding and knowledge because at this time you ain’t holding yourself ransom. And in the same regard, how much sin can you forgive yourself? Are you worth dying for yourself? And if so, how many times can you do so?
You're forgiven
My mistakes are forgiven and I have no reason to sit, ponder, simmer and marinate them so that they burn me up to flames that I can’t quench. Simmering over faults can take one to a series of guilt trips.
I believe that Jesus lifted the bar for me when he died on the cross, the faster I realize my mistakes the sooner I walk to him for redemption and redirection. And while at it, give Him permission to heal me. Yes, allow Him to heal me from the bruises because he’s too gentle to demand me to accept healing.
In my journey of life, I have learnt that not forgiving oneself has a lot to do with self righteousness and pride. Not allowing God into the spaces of my life that are His – I am His. When I err I should come to Him in my filth and not wait till I have kinda sorted it and I look a little nicer.
Allow God to guide you in 2024
As he invites us to His Holy mountain, we can only say yes to the invitation to be made better, be trained and be equipped to be elite soldiers. Soldiers don’t waste time unlike civilians caressing their faults because any time can be a battle time. They’re battle ready. They’re teachable and responsive to the instructions of their commander in chief – God.
I wish you a journey of walking light in 2024.