I write in the voice of a woman and not a man.
There are some of us who just got married maybe there was a pregnancy, we went visiting tasting the forbidden things outside marriage and a thought crossed our minds ati what if we taste taste yaani onja onja for just 3 days, then just a week and then… badala ya kuvaa t-shirts zako si I just go bring few clothes and keep them here now that we’re an item. Item is one thing right? like me him is one. Yeah. So we consummated it and rubber stamped us married 6 months later almost putting to bed in 3 months time.
Then katika harakati za hapa na pale, kulinda ndoa and all that, there’s a kathing that comes in, what if I do more to linda this ndoa Well? Then we remember we used to know Jesus huko High-school. Then it stirs a desire, you feel like it would be beautiful to invite the saviour in your home. But ndoa no ya kulinda kweli aaah I don’t know..
My discipleship class, teacher David would say, “Jesus chooses to arrest you unplanned” And you surrender to the arrest bila protest.
And so your husbae – do they still use this word, continues to chapa sherehe because it has been so for you both.
Ooh and then sister Jacinta you start calling out for the soul of your husband into the walk of faith. Brethren now starts streaming into your house in the name of praying for your husband. Haaya it goes on. Daddy now starts staying at work longer or with the boys. The conversation at home is “Only if you’d accept salvation!.. ” Lines like “sweetheart si nakupenda.. are now locked somewhere in the prayer closet. Jacinta is sanitising and sanctifying everything else.
You start making him feel like grandchild of Satan the more you make him feel so the more he becomes more rebellious. Conflict of power the man or salvation, combat mode. He fights you by kulaing Sherehe more and you fight him in your closet reigning hailstorm to crash all the bottles of Jameson and Johnie walker reminding Jesus how he’s all lost and needs to be saved from heading to hell
What am all saying is the failure to relate with Jesus personally and intimately can make a woman in this case strain the man with her religiosity. This woman will lack grace for the man and make him feel like he’s no good simply because he’s not bornagain. She’s made the latter her idol, each morning she pledges her allegiance to it, worships it and upholds it above anything else that was there before- herself, her children even her love for her husband. Its like an emergency. She nolonger sees any quality in the man she chose to cohabit ooh marry, apart from him being a relative of Satan.
She forgets that noone pushed or rather harrassed her into salvation.
Extend grace Jacinta, let daddy sit at the balcony with his sweet bottle as you sip your tea hapo kando yake if it pleases you. Laugh with him even in his tipsiness and siliness, dance with him then go do tumbukiza together to shake off his hangover. Love him through the journey before Christ arrests him. You both married as non believers, so what makes you special?
Unless he’s abusive, enjoy your marriage.
Go to the closet and whisper to Jesus about Him with a heart posture that carries no self righteousness, bitterness nor anger. He’s a child of God.
As my marriage took a noose dive, that is towards the end of 2019, there’s something that I learnt about 1st Peter 3:3-4 The woman adorning the gentle and quite spirit. I realized that it’s possible to adorn this spirit boldly in a loving way,full of wisdom, in the most normal way without being a doormat.
The gentle and quite spirited woman is a topic on its own.
So sister enjoy your marriage despite the only fact that he doesn’t like Jesus yet.. Put on your hipster and dance your life away with the husband of your youth as you keep syncing with Jesus.
Stop idolozing the harvest of him being a believer but keep planting the seed of love. Keep planting…
I know it’s difficult, veeeeeery difficult to wait till that day he says yes to Jesus. During my days of tarrying with this prayer item, a servant of God shared how she prayed and waited for 25 long years! But God.
I know this happens alot in many homes with one spouse being a believer, but we may be too self righteous and defensive to nod..
And say no to Domestic Violence.
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