Recently I was telling my friend that marriage is a safe hiding place. More so when it was your refuge. It can still be comfortable even when you’re being abused, because in your head, the bigger part of your life is being taken care of; it’s your city of refuge and identifier. Do I need to add that your children are being fathered or mothered? You’re like untapped dangerous waters. Wrong self-diagnosis, wrong medication.

Marriage was my refuge.

It was one familiar identity, that when it’s pot dropped off and shattered, I shattered. And I couldn’t gather myself back, But God.

For those of us who reside in the city of Nairobi, we’ve experienced alot of demolishing. All the buildings that had on them the mark X, at some point even if it took years, they finally brought them down. However how beautiful, it was brought down to a rubble, like it never existed. Demolished.

We’ve seen owners of the buildings lamenting in such agony, but they demolished them anyway.

Remember Taj Mall?

I can’t imagine the pain.

The resources invested .

The time wasted.

The everything invested to put up a beautiful building! It’s painful.

So last month I got a weird revelation on 2nd Corinthians 10:4-5. I say weird because it scares me and it exposed me to my nakedness. I shared it on a platform, then shared with  then when I shared with a 3rd person she charged me to write it. I ran but it caught up with me.

Demolishing the familiar identity.

The buildings subjected to demolishing are mostly the ones built in the wrong location, the land may belong to another owner.

Some building are demolished because they’re obstruction, denying access to some other important area.

Or maybe they demolish them because that environ is a danger to that building, there’s a name they gave it, had I been consistent with watching news I’d have remembered.😊

Now onto the building that is us, no me!

I have come to realize that when one chooses the journey of real wholeness then they sign up to brokenness.  I signed up to being demolished. Every Identity I ever acquired that was shaky, I was dislodged off it, everything that made me feel and look important according to me, it was ripped off. like off. Even the wounds I neatly did a nice bandaid on, and I was all smiling and waving, the master ripped them off and exposed me to Himself the wound healer.

When a marriage ends we hurt from many things.

When we go through abuse we hurt alot, pretentions- things that are not even people showcase themselves as though they’re and hurt us more, strongholds that kinda defined us chocks us. Then our thoughts, oooh our thoughts can keep us in bondage upon bondage.

But now the Lord is calling us forth to yield to demolishing, and in our case, He’s cracking us open. Open to take out the filth then send us into the territories untouched.  Calling us forth into the paths less trodden. Giving us a voice, projecting it to the audience of His choice….

I realized that in the place of pain, there’s alot of revelations than the place of comfort.

You see the machines used to demolish buildings are not spades and jembes. They’re those big things, do they call them caterpillars yaani they have teeth that rips open the ground and bring down a whole steady building without mercy. Are they called excavators🤔

Healing is demolishing what was familiar and introducing us to what should have been.

Demolishing feels like our insides are being dug out cleansed and then returned back.

You’re exposed to seeing the filth you consumed and became.

You get to see the names you nodded to yet they were not yours.

You get to see all the wounds you did bandaids on but now they’re exposed to the sun to dry up, and you can do nothing about it.

You get to see the treaties you signed up for because you had to be like them

Demolishing exposes your fears, you see the debris flying, but you’re too frail to collect them. The lies you bought and became.

Demolishing escavates every unwanted, undesirable things from your life however how much they gave you some sense of significance.

Recently in the process of demolishing I was forced to share on my fear for abandonment and it broke me. I cried. It’s a room I only peep through and bang it closed. Some took it upon themselves to advise me to go back to the man because I still love him. I restrained myself from getting angry.

The demolishing has caused me to write on areas of my life that are so scary to me.

Alot more is to happen, the day I’ll intimately write on mother wounds am not sure how I will be. During my therapy sessions with Grace when we  reached the place of handling it I’d cry for close to those 2hrs and we’d end up not talking about anything mother…

I fear demolishing. I fear pain.

But healing is a good pain. Am being packaged to a better Emily.

The healing journey is a pain on its on.

When I found myself sharing that the place of rejection may be safer for me now, I cried. I cried because I couldn’t believe I said that after struggling to accept the aftermath of my separation. You see I found validation on having a crowd around me, then they left! Like left kabisa, and when my family said

that  am an embarrassment to them and I destroyed my own marriage, devastation is not applicable… Am better today.

But all these happened so that the Lord  rips off us the former filthy things and dress us in new attires, with new glory and grace.

In the journey of healing as demolishing happens we don’t need to go gather the debris as they fall off as the demolishing happens. Sometimes everything happens at once that you can’t cover your nakedness. You run to pick a leso even the wind snatches it from you.

Healing knows no shame. I don’t know which shame can shame me now😊 am not bragging.

Healing is a place of surrender,  do you even have an ounce of strength to fight?

You can only stand still and say,

“I commit to this,  take away what shouldn’t be in me and with me, clothe me with what should be in me and with me, the shame is yours, the jeers are yours, I fall back into your arms because they’re safer”

Oh yee who’s wounded the Lord calls you out to fall into His arms, allow Him to adorn you into the

person you were created to be.

Let loose the pale layers to drop off

Allow Him to peel you off

Allow Him to give you a new identity

Allow Him to introduce the new you

Tell Him yes, just show Him where it hurts most, point it to Him now.

Tell Him how that rape stole your identity

Tell Him how it stole you from you,

Tell Him how the abuse made you feel

Tell Him how divorce has crushed you.

And if you can’t say nothing, fall into His arms and just be. He only wants your surrender.

He wants you to say Yes to Him.

Just that.


Trash that familiar identity, walk past it…

The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:4-5)

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