“But he took me in with a child” (part 2)

In the happenstance that a woman having enrolled into the marriage institution because of various reasons but what holds water for her is “He is marrying me with a child or children”, then it’s a circumstantial marriage- her circumstance has contributed to her signing into the covenant of marriage.

Due to the shame the society has associated the children born out of wedlock with, her self-diagnoses and in, she dips herself.

Some families really applaud and encourage such entries, and in most cases a family nod is a whole nod, even if only one butt grabs the seat, the ancestors are happy.

So what happens?

Remember she has lost her voice; her circumstance has spoken for her.

Engaging into a circumstantial marriage is like selling your birthright for a bowl of lentils. Rarely do we remember that we can have a whole garden full of lentils but we run for the ready steaming bowl. So this woman won’t dress in the attire of a wife but a dummy wife because she is in a place of what ifs…..what if he changes his mind and sends me packing! ……And so she overworks.

She sets a pace of a servant more than a partner; she enslaves herself unknowingly setting up wrong antenna to the spouse who gets used to her servant hood. As she takes over the seat of a servant her would be seat of a partner/wife remains vacant and her husband with chances of a dysfunctional background will definitely enjoy the service.

A mentally healthy husband in most cases will help the woman snap off from the slumber of being the servant instead of a wife; they won’t watch you save your life away just because they married you with a child. They’ll seek after your wholeness; marriage is for watering each other, not watching a woman wilt and die. But only a mentally healthy spouse will see to this.

As the woman slaves her life away, for a moment she forgets about her child/ren and focuses on her position in the life of that man and the works. And the expectation of a master from the servant is always high.

I would unashamedly call it selfishness in oblivion or is this even child abuse?

The children in most cases get spiritually neglected

They get mentally neglected even though they’re physically taken care of, there’s food, they’re all dressed well, they’re all chubby but then their hearts aches for connection but their mama is busy at a task of creating a presence. She bought a husband in exchange of her children. Spiritually she remembers not to cover the destiny of her children, servant hood is tasking enough, the master expects more.

There’s something about God’s love, the love that looks beyond the shame and mess we find ourselves in. The love that consumes all the self-diagnosis that we engage in thinking that we know better. You see getting into a marriage to give your child a father or because their first word is “I will take you with the children” and not “I want to marry you” is like designing your life in your own terms and sitting in the way of God to lead you to the right path. Self-diagnosis has dire consequences.

Forgiving self is so key when we find ourselves in this case. Getting into marriage for this reason only says you’re still holding yourself ransom and you want to wash yourself clean. Ignoring the blood of Jesus that never discriminates. It is better to wait on God than slave your life away to create an impression.

I regret the early years in the life of my children I was so present yet so absent. I had an engaged presence. I wasn’t very intentional in my parenting but in the days I would, I couldn’t be consistent because I felt like I was missing out on my main Goal to impress and to be seen as the best of wives or do I say slave.

I remember in the year 2018 when the Matatu I had boarded on my way home from town had an accident, I shouted telling God not to take my life since I had children! It hit me hard that my pursuit of a father was off God’s will and it had killed me way back.

Only in 2020 did I learn how to travail in prayer for my children, I would hear the woman God brought into my life after my separation praying strange things over my children and I would be in shock wondering where I was all these years. And so I took it upon myself to be an intentional parent.

But even then, I have good memories in the early years of my children🙂 but I would have done better.

Because everything has seasons, a time reaches and she dawns her service tools wanting to be the partner, a mother, and a whole woman! And the resistance is out of this world. In the dawning of serving tools there’s a voice ready to speak, healing is beckoning at the door. And some healings can be loud. She says “sorry not today” and the reception is all wild, it has been years of Yesssss.

This man at this time is experiencing a whole different woman, not door mat. Not the “I did you a favor by marrying you woman”. No, to him she appears wild. She boldly says no to emotional abuse that reigned in the past, the financial abuse, the spiritual abuse, yes even sexual abuse- it happens in marriage too. This keeps shocking the man, his inflated ego get severely injured.

But when God says He desires that we be healthy, physically, spiritually and mentally He means it. Healing force is like a river that has broken it’s banks nothing stops it. At this time, Damiono won’t take it, and of course you’d be too loud even as a church woman. Healing is like a thunder bolt.

Dawning my service tools and saying No was the genesis of my marriage ending. The more I said no the more it worsened, the more the past emotional abuses invited the physical abuses. My NO invited too much more pains but an awesome knowledge of God and His undeterred love and what He says about me, and it invited even this writings.

My no invited extensive healing even to others.

So on the story of that woman of whom I shared yesterday, who was willing to stay after her face has been disfigured after a physical abuse simply because he married her with the children, my heart cries for her. She died way back.

God still calls her and any other woman in her situation as beloved, honored and precious in His eyes and again even getting the children out of wedlock or even having a broken marriage CAN NOT Stand in the way of God’s love for her or any other woman.

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