Few years back, a friend would call me Mrs…aah let’s say Mrs. Mathayo and I’d be grinning and feeling like am floating or something. Yeah I would be so thrilled, before we dive into our chitchats I’d be laughing for the first two minutes as I say things like “haki wewe prophetess, haki wewe unakuanga na mchezo sana….”😅😅😅😅 I’d extend the laughter another 2 minutes and grin some more. She, actually was using that name to tease me because I had built my identity around that title. I yearned for it yet it was supposed to be there, I used to long to get married yet I was married. You gerrit?
But titles of Mrs who and who are nice, right? 😉
I longed to sit on church pews as Mr & Mrs.Mathayo on my left so that he protects me with his right hand, 😂😂😂😂 with our children on either sides but not in-between 😂😂😂😂. Eeeeh! I longed to say things like “we will be hosting xxxxx instead of “I will be..” hehehe… it felt nice to dream, but the dream didn’t see light of the day because shit was shitting and it finally hit the fan. Even I didn’t like the span of that dream.
A lot of women in abusive marriages live in some illusion, there’s a place where they build their hopes and live there never to look elsewhere. There’s a marriage in their mind that they want yet they don’t have it so they keep living hoping it will come. They keep caressing it, neglecting or rather casting a shadow on the one happening. And the years speed on, and they can sure speed without warning. They get abused till they’re reduced to a shell of themselves still clutching to the illusion.
It’s sad that some women having adorned the tittle Mrs Pastor or mama pastor or mum as it is today, instead of walking out of abuse, they’d rather apply makeups on the wounds and smile their way to church on Sunday mornings and even lead intercessory prayers. Then go home in the evening and be humiliated through the week.
On asking why take so much?
The answer is “the church look up to me, we started this ministry with my husband, it’s the enemy putting us to test, I will not leave what I have built to another woman to enjoy, I prayed him into salvation..! “
It’s pure sadness, the treasures we’ve built and submitted out hearts to!
I admit I was also intoxicated by the thrill of standing in the gap for others in their marriages. It somehow made me feel like, me leaving my marriage would be a bad image for those who looked to me. There’s always someone who looks up to someone, it’s a chain. It scared me to shred my garments in public and let them see my nakedness. In fact, in several meetings after I left the marriage, I still introduced myself as Mrs. I felt naked without it, silly it sounds right? Yeah I felt like an unpaid labourer, but who contracted me anyway?
The saddest one was when my boss caught wind through Mr. Mathayo that I had dethroned myself off the title 😄😄😄😄. Noooo eeeiy, me I couldn’t even walk properly in the office! Weeeuh! I can’t tell it all😅😅😅😅 I realized how much I cherished that title.
Meet a woman or a man lost in the tittles you can never tell them otherwise, they’re so lost and in accord with it that they’ve drank in that identity. They count the years they’ve been married, they count the years they prayed for their spouse to be a believer, they point to you their ages, they point to their children, they point the lands and investment yet they’re constantly on antidepressants and some are on medication for high blood pressure. Some
are so bitter in their work places that they can never get along with anyone, you know they can only be defensive at work. They’re enveloped with a blanket of sadness too heavy they only can yank it off or even acknowledge it’s there and they need help. But they’re blind to it, they’re church leaders and respected people in the society. What do you know about holding positions in church! And again some hold high positions in the government! How will they show up?
During prayers when all who are heavily laden are coming to Jesus to find rest, they find rest in their titles of Mrs. Daktari, Engineer, Baba Brian, Deacon, Church Elder, Mrs Mathayo, Mrs. Honorable and Mama Pastor.
There’s a way the light of God scorches the garments we find comfort in because He wants us, the persons He created for Himself to be reintroduced to the dwellers of the earth and to the resounding applause of the heavenly beings.
He then shifts our focus from the titles to Himself.
Sometimes we’re so scared to know that He got our backs because we feel so naked and exposed to the glare of the world. But His glory becomes our sure adornment.
You don’t have to die yet still alive with the title in an abusive marriage.
Even today there’s still a summon from the throne room …”Come all yee who are heavily laden and I will give you rest, my yoke is easy and my burden is light..”
Domestic abuse is bondage.
Jesus came bearing freedom, abundance …
Before I get carried away, I also wanted to say that the titles of -Separated, divorced, single, single mother, single father, unmarried are also titles however unattractive in the sight of the society. Make your own title attractive, the worlds around you will adjust.
When the time comes for me to be a Mrs. once again because it will, I will have a healthy relationship with that title and not unhealthy attachment.
~Emily Omondi